The tears have not ceased. Nor have the dreams or the pit in my stomach from losing you. The scariest part is that I’m just a second thought… If that. And you are still my morning and night. You still wake up with me every morning. And lay me down to sleep. I wake up to a blinding sun and rest on a bed of needles. Every sentient experience is one of pain, causing me to look for some sort of balm. But there is none. There is only pain. There is only you. And if you had the choice you’d probably wish you could forget my name. I can undoubtedly say that my biggest regret in life was falling in love. Here I am. Months later. Mourning someone who doesn’t want to be missed. Still coursing through inside jokes and “I love you’s” that run across my mind. I wish this would never have happened. That I could continue living in ignorance, never realizing my capacity to love someone so unconditionally. Anything, anything, would be a better choice, than having to endure this pain.
I’m sorry. For everything. For having loved you so much I forgot who I was. I’m just so sorry.
I miss you so much. I miss my best friend. I hate this.